This wretched agent fellow tells me that 10,000 people have bought a copy of a Brother Hermitage tale. It all seems a bit commercial to me, but he assures me this is quite normal.
To mark the occasion he suggested I leave the scriptorium for a world tour, or some such nonsense. Out of the question of course, I am just finalising some fascinating research into the time immediately after the Battle of Hastings. What could be more important?
Instead I have released into the world a short story concerning Brother Hermitage. It tells of a time the Brother visited a hostelry and interacted with the general populace. I believe it provides real insight into the troubles of the ordinary people of the 11th Century and so titled it, A Consideration of the Domestic and Intra-familial Relationships of 11th Century England, with Reference to Social Structures and their Dependence on Commercial Premises.
He called it Brother Hermitage in Shorts number 1. Hardly seems to be a rigorous title but I suppose he knows best.
When I told him it was free, he seemed to have some sort of attack, and told me had to leave for a long lunch.
It is available on iBook and Lulu http://www.lulu.com/shop/howard-of-warwick/brother-hermitage-in-shorts-no1/ebook/product-20960911.html
I have finally got The Tapestry of Death into intelligible shape. All the pages are in the right order and they all have words on them. Most of them in the right order as well.
It will now be checked over by a willing band of volunteers who will spot that the words aren’t in the right order at all.
The tale involves a lot of coming and going, strange people and places and the usual standard of behaviour from various characters. Generally a very low standard.
Hermitage and Wat do their best in the circumstances. This varies from insightful and constructive to clueless and dangerous. There are people from the church, from the world of crime, and of course the favourite people of the time, the Normans.
And then there’s the tapestry. The less said about that the better, but all is revealed in the end. Or should that be the end is always revealed?
Hard on the heels of The Tapestry, comes a short story from the Hermitage papers. Brother Hermitage in Shorts No. 1 will be available for free! As soon as I can persuade my agent that it’s a good idea and get an electronic bookstore to put the thing in the window.
I continue my researches into the period immediately following the battle of Hastings – or rather the battle near Hastings. I have uncovered some remarkable material, which will cast a new light on our understanding of the Norman Conquest. If it’s true of course.
Howard Warwick Saturday
The Garderobe of Death is out in the world and doing well. Very favourable comments have been received for which I am most grateful. www.amazon.co.uk/Garderobe-Chronicles-Brother-Hermitage-ebook/dp/B00A2ATM98/
As readers will know the book leaves Hermitage and Wat at the start of yet another investigation. The subsequent tale nears completion and is entitled The Tapestry of Death – I think I see a bit a pattern emerging.
This delves into the world of Wat the weaver and his highly dubious tapestries. I fear it is a world best not delved into at all but the truth must out. (Well I suppose strictly speaking it needn’t but I think it best if it does.)
The problem I see in The Tapestry of Death is that nearly everyone is corrupted in one way or another. Whether this is because they started corrupt and then found The Tapestry, or they found The Tapestry and thus became corrupt is a good question. One which the book seeks to answer in no way whatsoever.
I am only gratified that Hermitage seems to be as shocked by everything as I am.
As this new book draws to a conclusion I have uncovered a remarkable piece of new material. If it is verified it will revolutionise our consideration of the early Norman period of English history. If it isn’t verified it should still make a good story. So far, it does not actually involve Hermitage or Wat but they might turn up yet…
Howard Warwick February
The Garderobe of Death has been handed to this agent fellow of mine. He says he will circulate it in only the most appropriate academic publications – but strictly between you and I, he does not seem entirely trustworthy.
Still, at least getting this work out of my scriptorium means I can concentrate on the next task. If you are a subscriber to Medieval Criminal Proceedings you will know that the tale of The Garderobe of Death leaves Hermitage and Wat immediately embroiled in another death.
This is most unfortunate as they haven’t exactly excelled in the first two. Be that as it may, The Tapestry of Death is now in preparation. This deals with the murder of Briston the weaver and I am hopeful it will give some insight into the world of weaving occupied by Wat.
My first researches are illuminating to say the least. I always knew that I was dealing with the ordinary people of the period in my work, certainly not the high, the mighty or those of extraordinary talent. To have discovered just how low people were prepared to go is alarming.
To also discover that Wat the weaver was making his living from this is a great disappointment.
I shall plough on though, and hope my readers are not easily shocked.
Howard Warwick November
At last the tale of the Garderobe of Death is complete. And frankly it’s ridiculous. How things ended up as they have is utterly incredible. I have checked and rechecked the facts, looking for an interpretation which might indicate some semblance of rationality. All I have confirmed is naked self interest, arrogance, and great swathes of stupidity.
Through all of my researches I maintain the hope that brother Hermitage is going to develop into some sort of genuine investigator. I have been made aware of certain fictional medieval detectives who, I am told, are always successful. Apparently they are all ahead of their time, compassionate, intelligent and capable. Brother Hermitage has all of these qualities. Unfortunately they are completely disjointed and of no earthly use in the resolution of crime. It is hard for me to judge which of these types is more representative of the real medieval character. The more I read, the more I worry that it might be brother Hermitage.
Being with Wat the weaver does help Hermitage in some ways. This dubious character at least understands what people are capable of, (what they’re capable of is universally unpleasent but at least he understands it). The young monk doesn’t have a clue. At least he can take facts and put them together to draw a conclusion. This is always more by luck than good judgement, and the best he can hope for is to avoid being executed himself.
The death in this case is resolved, and Hermitage does sort it out – eventually. King William even arrives on the scene, fresh from his conquest, and drives his own coach and horses through the whole business.
The end of the tale even gives a hint of a further investigation, this time connected to Wat’s trade. I am not sure I want to look into that one too far. The information I already have about the tapestries of Wat the weaver is quite sufficient to convince me they should not be discussed with a sensitive audience.
The fellow who deals with getting my research circulated tells me he has plans for The Garderobe of Death. I’m not quite sure I am comfortable with the way he said it. I do hope he treats the work with respect. I assume this circulation will be limited to appropriate academic communities, but he tells me not to worry. Heaven forfend that Hermitage should become a laughing stock. When he heard I had discovered information about a further investigation concerning Wat, he said he would call it The Tapestry of Death and wanted it finished by Christmas! Impudent man.
